The Other Side of Fear

Evidently, I’m sicker than I look.  My doctor says I have a weak heart. 

That frightens me.

But on the other side of fear … hope.

My doctor says I have 85-90% blockage in my arteries. 

That frightens me.

But on the other side of fear … he can do something about that and give me twenty more years.

I could list a lot of foods that are now off my diet.  I may miss them from time to time.  And I fear for when the cravings may kick in.

However, you should see what I had for dinner last night – an amazing cube steak with mushrooms, carrots, green beans, and for dessert – yummy rice pudding.

I have fears about what I’m now into, and the losses, and the changes of lifestyle, but on the other side of my fears … GREAT HOPE!

I have great hope for I choose to live a better-quality life.

I fear every new step on this new journey.  Today I go back to work for a few hours.  I’m fearful. 

Today I have to make choices for lunch.  I know what I want to choose … now will I actually choose it.  I am fearful.

But I face my fears.  I trust my new resolve.  I trust my doctors.  I trust my wife who believes in me, I trust my God, and I trust the wisdom of others in the choices I will make today.

Fear will probably nip at my heels for a while now with every decision I make, and that is okay.  Perhaps it helps me tread even more carefully, plant each step with more intentionality, and be present and mindful with every choice, every bite and every thought.

Yes, I’m fearful …

And on the other side of my fears … I’m hopeful.

This is my morning reflection.

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Getting What I Want

I’m getting what I’ve always wanted. 

It’s not a new car, or a new home, a larger paycheck, the Pulitzer Prize, or the Drummer of the World award.

I am getting love, esteem, acceptance.  I’m getting my soul fed from the one who matters most in my life – my wife. 

Never have I experienced this love and esteem to the degree that I know it today.  My soul is fed, my cup is full, and my sense of self-worth grows every day all because of our relationship.

This is a personal post – almost too personal for your eyes.  Yet it is significant enough that I feel it is worth sharing. 

I’ve had this quote in my files for some time now, and today it demanded my attention. 

  

Did you get what you wanted?

I did.

And what did you want?

To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth.

Raymond Carver

                     Late Fragment

I can call myself ‘beloved’ because of the one who loves me most, cherishes me, esteems me, believes in me, and loves me as I am, not as I should be.  And I’m writing about my love – Carolyn. 

The way we do life is such a soul-satisfying experience.  The way we talk about the large and small events of life, and the way we laugh together … well, it’s meeting a need to the largest degree I’ve ever known.

I am esteemed and loved.

That is what I have always wanted.

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Perspective

I have a perspective.  Isn’t that nice.

And my perspective colors everything else in

my life, from my views on God and how I relate to him, to my political views, my career views, my marriage views, and a thousand other viewpoints.

This could be an exhaustive post, but it will not be.

I shared this story a few weeks ago, and yet it is relevant for today.

Once upon a time there was a man with two sons.  The father was a drunken piece of humanity.  He could not hold a job, he could not hold a paycheck and he could not hold his liquor.  He was a miserable, down-and-out failure. 

The two sons:

#1 son turned out to be exactly like his father.

#2 son turned out exactly opposite from his father and became an upstanding citizen of his community and a good husband and family man.

The father died, and after his funeral, someone asked both sons this question: “Considering how your father lived, how did you turn out the way you did?”

Both sons … BOTH sons gave the exact same answer.

“With a father like mine, how would you expect me to turn out?”

See the different perspectives?  One saw the father in his drunken misery and followed suit.

The other saw it and said, “There has to be a better way.”

PERSPECTIVE!

I write to encourage others, to lift their self-esteem, to give hope and encouragement to someone who may feel down on life and on themselves.

Why?  I lived in a put-down world for too much of my growing up years.  I heard more “Don’ts” than “Do’s”.  I was told on too many occasions …

You can’t.

 Stop that.

  Don’t go there.

   Don’t drink that.

    Don’t try that.

     Don’t wear that.

      Don’t buy that. You may get hurt.

I reached a point one day when I discovered the CAN-DO gear in my life and I’ve never looked back.

And when I started writing, I quickly realized there were a lot of people like me.  They had had their permission slip revoked and didn’t realize the playing field on which they stood.

This playing field is large, abundant, with many colors, varieties, tastes, and choices to make, and I have a set of skills and precepts in place to help me cope on this field called LIFE. 

Therefore, I set out to share the light with others.  Along the way, I’ve found I can make good, wholesome choices, I have some skills and those are serving me well.  And I can write about some of those experiences and people actually read my words and find hope and encouragement in them.

What a perspective that is for me now.  I’m useful … to others and to God!

I’ve taken some sour lemons and made good and sweet lemonade. 

The take-a-way for me is this … regardless of the perspective one inherits in life, it can be altered, changed and improved.

Perspective is an evolutionary journey. 

Even the international travel I’ve done has help shape and change my perspective.

The world has shrunk.  It is no longer the small town in which I grew up, and the occasional trips to Nashville.  And the languages, and customs, not to mention the world view I’ve had to learn to see.  Talk about an expanded perspective on our world …

Okay.  Enough for today.  Perhaps more on this later.

This is my morning perspective reflection.

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