What People Seek

What People Seek

I am a people person. For me, it has always been about building relationships. The many people I’ve met over the years of my living have added such color and freshness to my life. That is one of the reasons I write along the lines that I write. This I understand about people.

“One of the great cries of the human heart is this ...

People Seek Meaning 

People Seek Connection

People want to know that their lives matter, that they are making a difference, a contribution in this world.

I think often of Oprah’s comments on her last televised show. She said this.

"I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation.

"If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you? 

~Oprah Winfrey

People seek meaning in their lives. They want to know if they mean anything special to someone else, and they want their lives to have some kind of impactful meaning.

In a quiet house, on a quiet street, the mailman was working his way to every home, delivering whatever was in his bag for each residence.

Later that same day a phone call was placed. I answered.

“Hi, Michael. I got your note today.” And then she broke down and sobbed.

After later reflection, this is what I know. Though she could not put into words at that moment what she was feeling, she communicated, nevertheless. And what she said was this:

“I felt cherished today.”
“I felt loved and appreciated.” 

“You thought of me.”
“You recognized me.”

For me, it was a simple note of thanks for some act of kindness my friend had performed at our church.

For her, it was recognition, validation. Someone (me) stopped and said, “Hey, I see you. I know you and I thank you.”

Oprah said it well: “One of mankind’s greatest needs is the need to feel validated.”

When I was ten, my brother and I were mowing the yard one hot August afternoon in Tennessee. Our Dad pulled into the driveway, tossed out a brand-new baseball and glove, and then drove away.

He didn’t say anything -- he simply waved and drove away. We felt significant, cherished.

Everyone needs to feel esteemed, loved, acknowledged and that they are significant. Everyone, at some time in life, needs to be cherished.

How can we do this for others in our lives?
-Place an assuring hand on one’s shoulder and offer affirming words.

-Place a well-timed phone call and say esteeming words. 

-Send a handwritten note in the mail.

-Write a significant email of appreciation and thankfulness. 

-Send or hand-deliver a bunch of flowers unexpectedly.

-Buy a small gift, simply because it fits someone you cherish, and you want to acknowledge their significance in your life.

Back in 2012 I wrote a blog that got more clicks than any other to date at that time. It was called “Carolyn Left Me Today.” She had to fly to Phoenix to see her parents.

As we were nearing the airport we were having light conversation and she turned to me and said. “One thing I know as I go on this trip is that my cup is very full because of your love and esteeming ways and for the way you care for me.”

What an incredible thing to hear.

We look for ways to fill each other’s buckets. We esteem each other.
We talk.
We listen.

We take time for each other.
We love to take our 2-night 3-day getaways just to be together.

Just this past Friday I received a text from her. She is out of town with her daughter and granddaughter. She texted – “Just thinking of you in the in- between moments. I love you.”

I’m not a trained therapist, nor a marriage counselor, not even a relationship expert, but as I think about this blog today, some things come to my mind that I think make a huge difference in our relationship. May I share them with you?

1. We love. We find ways of loving each other. Sometimes it is a phone call. Sometimes it a $5 bunch of flowers from Pike Place Market. Every morning it is my responsibility to make her breakfast. She loves my scrambled eggs. Found out recently so do some of our grands. She will occasionally surprise me with an amazingly special dinner. Recently it was pot roast. Oh my. All these tiny actions say, “I love you.” “I cherish you.” “I adore you.” And we use the words too, in our relationship, every day – several times each day.

2. We play. We both carry a heavy schedule every week, but we live for Saturday and Sunday. I’ll never schedule an Up-Words day on the weekend without first talking with CB and finding out what she is interested in doing or where she wants to go. I can write anywhere, and at any time. I don’t want my writing to interfere with our time together. We put a lot into our days together. We do some “on- purpose” living on those days. Sometimes it a trip to a museum, or to the beach. We’ve caught more sunsets during our years of marriage than I caught all the rest of my years of living put together.

3. We talk. No, seriously – we talk. At meals, in the morning while getting ready, and any other time we are together, there is conversation. And especially at night, when I come home, we make it a point of stopping what we are doing, we embrace, we kiss, and then begin dinner prep.  We focus on each other, we look at each other, and we are in the moment, together. This is huge!

4. We laugh. During our phone chats each day I always look for something to say to crack her up. We laugh together. We enjoy life together. And we love.

All these points simply add up to this: we fill each other’s buckets. We don’t dip into each other’s bucket with hurtful, sassy, demeaning comments. We esteem one another. We look for the good. We say words that heal, not words that hurt. What a way to relate.

Our buckets are very full.

We seek on purpose to live in relationship, to offer meaning to each other and to find ways to connect.

You know what? The people around you want the same connections and meaningfulness in their relationships.

Give the greatest of gifts – VALIDATION!

P Michael Biggs 

Hope~Encouragement~Inspiration

Who Are You Becomming?

 Who Are You Becoming?

See this picture quote?

I know for sure what we 

dwell on is who we become

I happen to believe this. I’m living proof – past and present.

I talked of being a writer for over thirty years. And that is pretty much all it was – talk. Oh, I published my first article at age 28 and got paid $22 for it. But I didn’t buy into me being a writer.

Later, in other jobs, I wrote a lot of stuff – video scripts, marketing brochures, you know the drill, and yet never adopted the label ‘writer’.

Ah, but in 2009 I started taking my writing urge seriously and began my first blog. Even then, the fear of not having enough content to sustain a weekly blog plagued me. Mystery of mysteries, I kept finding subjects that needed my touch, my perspective. And now, fourteen years later I own six blog sites.

And ... I have published five books. After publishing my first book, I finally found the courage to call myself a ‘writer’.

In my earlier adult life, I attracted images of myself that were less than esteeming. As time wore on, I’m afraid I dwelt on those negative, harsh words and phrases that others had attached to me, and I began believing some of them.

The worst of all was this ... “You’re an accident looking for a place to happen.”

I’m glad many of you didn’t know me in those days. Even though those words were spoken to me almost fifty years ago, I believed a bit of that idea, and thus it affected my self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence, and my ability to perform on a consistent basis in life.

You see, the principle of “Whatever a man thinks in his heart (mind, soul and inner being), so is he” was at play, only I was tuned into the negative images and words. Wise sages, ancient philosophers, and men and women of learning have taught us for years about the importance of good and wholesome thoughts and how we should direct our attention to those ideals and lay off the negative, put-down language that tends to run free-will though our minds in constant stream mode.

This is a hard lesson to grasp. And those negative thoughts and ideas that we allow to live rent-free in our minds are hard to corral sometimes.

But corral them we must! We must take charge of our minds when in neutral, or when discouraged, or disappointed, or after a major loss of some kind.

It is a conditioning of the mind of which I speak. WE are the masters of our own minds. Others may say those awful words of hurt, however, we are the door keeper of our own minds. WE decide if we will allow them to run free or do we arrest them sooner than soon?

There are many excellent words and phrases that disciplined people find useful. Here are some of them.

I can.
I will.
I like myself.
I approve of myself.
I am capable.
I am better than that.
I may be down but I’m not out.
If I fall seven times, I’ll stand up eight.

What are you listening to in your mind?
Can you see the importance of changing those loop-to-loop soundtracks to different, more positive words and phrases?

I so strongly believe in the power of words that my company name is Up-Words. I say – I will speak Up-Words to every person I meet. I will look for the good in others and compliment those good traits on every occasion in which I am able.

I remember a story Dale Carnegie wrote in his book "How to Win Friends and Influence People."
One day he walked by a man standing outside his office building. The gentleman was holding a sign begging for a handout of any kind.

Rather than give the man money, Mr. Carnegie looked him over and finally commented, “My goodness. You surely have tied your shoelaces nice and neat."

Mr. Carnegie thought no more of that incident.

The next morning Mr. Carnegie's secretary announced that a gentleman was there to see him. Dale showed the gentleman into his office, who was dressed in his Sunday best, wearing a fresh shirt and tie and shined shoes. And his hair was neatly combed and his face cleanly shaved.

The man began. "Perhaps you don't remember me but yesterday I was standing outside your office building begging for money. You walked by, looked me over, and then commented on how nicely my shoelaces were tied. You wouldn't have known this, but I had already decided that I was going to go and throw myself into the river unless I got some kind of sign that somebody somewhere might still care about me."

He continued.

"Your words gave me hope. I reasoned that if I could do that one thing of tying my shoelaces neatly then perhaps, I could still find other things I could do with success. I decided then and there that I would clean up and make something useful of myself. You gave me hope in those few words, Mr. Carnegie. Thank you."

My favorite quote on the power of words.

“Never underestimate the power

of the right words spoken at the right time.”

P Michael Biggs

Offering Hope

Encouragement

Inspiration

One Word at a Time!

Where Does Your Worst Enemy Live

Where Does Your Worst Enemy Live? 

Our worst enemy is nearer than we might think, for it is closer than your breath.

Make Sure Your Worst

Enemy Doesn't Live

Between Your Two Ears.

Laird Hamilton

You know those negative thoughts, those imaginary battles we all face. You and I know all about those conversations that we have with ourselves about the never-gonna-happen events and circumstances in life, and yet, we persist in continuing these conversations.

We fight a constant battle in this arena, and we constantly have to be on our guard. Sometimes, these arguments and scenarios feel good, and we feel self-righteous and victorious with the arguments we create in our minds. And we probably win a lot of these made-up battles that no-one ever sees.

And the enemy still exists.

I’m reminded of a Bible verse I learned a long time ago. 

“Take Every Thought Captive.”

To me, it means:

~Stop the fight. Be aware of what is happening and bow out of that fight. 

~Redirect and place your thoughts onto truth, what is or what should be. 

~If the issue is real and needs addressing, take the appropriate measures and have the hard conversations.

These are such easy words to write, and yet I fight this same enemy from time to time.

I’m in this battle with you.

P Michael Biggs 

Hope~Encouragement~Inspiration

Have Hope / Give Hope

 Have Hope / Give Hope

Do you have hope? Does it bubble up in your heart? How are your dreams? They are first cousins to hope, you know.

Some word pundits say, 'Hope is not a strategy'. However, I wouldn't want to go through life without hope.

Remember this:

Man can live ...

Forty days without food

Three days without water

Eight minutes without air

Only one second without hope.

(Unknown)

If this quote is true, and I believe it is, then I don't want to live one second without hope.

Hope whispers of what might be. Hope offers the seed of a promise in waiting, perhaps.

This quote by Mr. Emerson is significant. Talk about hope. It is the essence of which we speak.

"Our chief want is someone

who will inspire us to be

what we know we could be."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

How about that? A could be in the making. I like that a lot.

We seek a savior who dispenses hope. We seek someone who will come along in our lives and say the magic words that we all long to hear. Those life-giving words of esteem and good will.

Oprah said it so well on her last televised show.

"I've talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation. If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: 'Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?'

They all had hope. Hope that someone somewhere would recognize them as valid and worthwhile individuals. Hope that they were living a life of significance or could live a life of significance.

Oprah goes on to say. "Try it with your spouse. Try it with your kids. Try it with those with whom you are in a relationship. Validate them. 'I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me.'"

That action alone gives a person hope. Great hope.
I remember a story Dale Carnegie wrote in his book "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

One day he walked by a man standing outside his office building. The gentleman was holding a sign begging for a handout of any kind.

Rather than give the man money, Mr. Carnegie looked him over and finally commented, “My goodness. You surely have tied your shoelaces nice and neat."

Mr. Carnegie thought no more of that incident.

The next morning Mr. Carnegie's secretary announced that a gentleman was there to see him. Dale showed the gentleman into his office, who was dressed in his Sunday best, wearing a fresh shirt and tie and shined shoes. And his hair was neatly combed and his face cleanly shaved.

The man began. "Perhaps you don't remember me but yesterday I was standing outside your office building begging for money. You walked by, looked me over, and then commented on how nicely my shoelaces were tied. You wouldn't have known this, but I had already decided that I was going to go and throw myself into the river unless I got some kind of sign that somebody somewhere might still care about me."

He continued.

"Your words gave me hope. I reasoned that if I could do that one thing of tying my shoelaces neatly then perhaps, I could still find other things I could do with success. I decided then and there that I would clean up and make something useful of myself. You gave me hope in those few words, Mr. Carnegie. Thank you."

I think Dr. Seuss might be onto something with this memorable quote.

"A person's a person,

no matter how small."

~Dr. Seuss

~Every person should have
  a chance to have hope.
        ~Every person has worth.
                ~Every person needs
                  some kind of recognition
                  that they exist.

I want to be a dispenser of hope. How about you?

P Michael Biggs 

Hope~Encouragement~Inspiration

We Still Need Someone to Believe in Us

 We Still Need Someone to Believe in Us

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: On Oprah Winfrey’s last show of her popular daytime television series, she said this.

"I've talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, 

and all 30,000 had one thing in common -- 

they all wanted validation. ... They wanted to know; 

Do you hear me? Do you see me? 

Does what I say mean anything to you?"

In this world, it is an easy thing for some individuals to become lost in the crowd of the other voices. There are shy people and individuals with a low sense of self-worth, and some that just plain ‘ole feel they are ‘nobody’. 

Some people are just too tired to speak up for themselves, or perhaps, have had some awful life experiences, and they reconcile within themselves that they are just not worth the fight to be acknowledged. And perhaps, they have committed what they consider the unspeakable act, or sin, or transgression. They feel they just don’t matter anymore.

What a terrible conclusion to reach – that you just don’t matter anymore.

My passion, my mission in life is to be an encourager. I want to be one who validates people. I attempt this through writing and podcasting, and in one-on-one interpersonal interactions. Am I successful? In some small measure, perhaps. Occasionally I will get a note or a phone call that lets me know someone needed my word and heard it in an appropriate time.

I’m reminded of a sixth-grade teacher, Mary, who assigned her class a writing assignment. The assignment was to write a short, positive comment about each of his/her fellow classmates and turn them in to her.

After compiling each student’s list, the teacher passed them out in class. You could hear a pin drop as the students sat quietly, reading what their fellow classmates had written about them. It was a remarkable moment.

Years later, one of the boys, John D., was killed during a hard-fought battle in Viet Nam. His sixth-grade teacher attended the memorial service, along with many fellow students in John’s class.

After the service, John’s father approached Mary and thanked her for coming to the service. He paused and continued. “We found this in his wallet along with his other belongings.

He began unfolding a sheet of paper, yellowed, tattered, and torn. It was the paper containing the comments from his sixth-grade classmates written ten years before.

The father said, “He carried this with him everywhere. I’m told he would often pull it out and read it before almost every major conflict in which he was involved during his time in Viet Nam.”

By now, other students had gathered around and one by one they each began saying that they too had their copy of these comments and how meaningful they were to them. Some even had their copy neatly tucked inside their wallets or pocketbooks.

You see the power of an appropriately placed word?

Has someone seen something in you bigger and greater than you ever dreamed you could be? Those kinds of people become my heroes. What foresight! What insight!

This is a great story and is at the heart of my thoughts for today. Our words change people.

We have the power to change somebody's life. In most cases we will never know when we’ve connected the dots for someone by our words of hope and encouragement, and yet it happens. This power still rests in our hands, and voices, and attitudes.

In the past fourteen years, I’ve written more than 600 blogs, and four books, plus over 130 podcasts. All of them with the intent and purpose of offering hope, encouragement, and inspiration to my readers. 

I shall continue writing and speaking for as long as I am physically able, for this is a passion to which I am dedicated.

If you take away any significant thought from this blog, I hope it is this.

You have the power 

to change somebody’s life.

Morning Notes Blog Site

P Michael Biggs 

Hope~Encouragement~Inspiration

Baloney and the Banquet

 Baloney and the Banquet 

We had some good friends over for a meal recently. Never in our wildest imagination would we have considered serving them baloney sandwiches. Not on your life. Carolyn whipped up an amazing lasagna with all the appropriate side dished and we feasted.

Baloney ...

Not the food for kings and good friends. Now, I like baloney as an occasional sandwich for lunch, but not for serving to guests.

Keep reading, please.

This story is from Come Share the Being by Bob Benson
Do you remember when they had old-fashioned Sunday school picnics? It

was before air-conditioning.
They said,
“We’ll meet at Sycamore Lodge in Shelby Park at 4:30 Saturday. You bring your supper and we’ll furnish the tea.”

But you came home at the last minute and when you got read to pack your lunch all you could find in the refrigerator was one piece of dried up baloney and just enough mustard in the bottom of the jar so that you got it all over our knuckles trying to get to it.

And there were just two stale pieces of bread.

So, you made your baloney sandwich and wrapped it in some brown bag and went to the picnic.

And when it came time to eat, you sat at the end of the table and spread out your sandwich.

But the folks next to you – the lady was a good cook – and she had worked all day and she had fried chicken, and baked beans, and potato salad, and homemade roles, and sliced tomatoes and pickles, and olives, and celery, and topped it all off with two big homemade chocolate pies.

And they spread it all out beside you and there you were with your baloney sandwich.

But they said to you, “Why don’t we put it all together?”

“No, I couldn’t do that. I just couldn’t even think if it,” you murmured embarrassedly.

“Oh, come on, there’s plenty of chicken and plenty of pie, and plenty of everything – and we just love baloney sandwiches. Let’s just put it all together.”

And so, you did and there you sat, eating like a king when you came like a pauper.

Sometimes, we don’t have much to offer ... in life, to friends and family, and to God. It seems our contribution is a dried-up piece of baloney between two pieces of stale bread, and yet we’re offered a feast from some kindly neighbor next door, or a friend far away, or a measure of mercy from God himself.

This is not a pity party, so please hold a more lofty thought of me for a few minutes.

At this very moment, it seems I’m in the baloney days of my life. I had amputee surgery 4 1⁄2 weeks ago on my left toes. For three weeks, I had to be waited on hand and foot, no pun intended.

As I write this, I can see a dozen cards from friends and family wishing me healing, peace, comfort and good thoughts and prayers. And my in-box has been filled with words and expressions of love and healing thoughts as well. My baloney has turned dry and moldy during this ordeal, and yet, these cherished ones of mine have given me banquet food to eat in the form of thoughts, prayers and actions. I haven’t even been able to respond to anyone, but I cherish each and every gesture, prayer, meal brought in, and kind word expressed.

I have received grace and kindness, my friends. God has turned my baloney experience into a banquet of esteeming loving gestures and thoughts and prayers of health and good will.

It has been 4 1⁄2 weeks since surgery. I am now able to hobble about our condo sometimes with my walker, but most of the time without. I hold onto walls and furniture for balance and am making it OK. It’s not pretty, but I’m improving.

God’s grace IS sustaining Carolyn and me through it all. Her care for me is the BEST, and to my medical team – you are my heroes.

If you’ve ever gone through ‘baloney’ days, be encouraged. When you can’t give out as in days past, perhaps it is time to feast on the goodness of others. They will graciously take your ‘baloney’ offering and replace it with your own personal feast.

And know this ... God is nearby. Always and forever.

Morning Notes Blog Site

This is my morning reflection.

P Michael Biggs Hope~Encouragement~Inspiration

Body as Friend

Body as Friend

I’m learning what this quote means more and more every day. 

Here’s the thing --- we could curse the body for what it can’t do, for what it used to be able to do and stopped doing, OR – we can appreciate the body for its amazing capabilities.

I had heart surgery almost a year ago.  I’m not as strong as I once was.  I don’t have the endurance I had a few months before surgery.

But my body still works.  My heart still beats.  My mind still works, and at times it seems there is more focus than before.  Imagine that.  I am convinced that the anesthesia changed me in ways beyond my understanding.  However, I’m coming back.  It took me six or more weeks after surgery to be able to concentrate enough to write my first blog.  It was like pulling teeth.  I tried to write for a few weeks before that, and the thoughts just would not form.  I cried, I cursed, I bemoaned my losses. 

In time, my mind and body came back on line. 

I think in some ways, I’ doing a better quality of work than before surgery. 

I have had to relearn how to talk to my body.  I had to reframe my thoughts and see my body as my friend. 

My heart still beats steadily.  My blood still flows, and in a better way.  My muscles are weaker, yet I have learned a new tempo to my life.  Tempo isn’t always about speed.  We drummers have a hard time understanding that one.

Bottom line – my body is my friend.  I think kindly of it.  I talk to it as a best friend.  I avoid the put-downs, the negative belittling of what once was. 

I’m getting along just fine with this new frame of mind.  My body is simply saying … “I’m coming back.  I’m not what I once was, but I’m better than I was a year ago.”

And I hear it whisper … “Thanks for being my friend.”

This is my

morning reflection.

Morning Notes Blog Site

P Michael Biggs

Words of Hope

Encouragement

Inspiration