What People Seek

What People Seek

I am a people person. For me, it has always been about building relationships. The many people I’ve met over the years of my living have added such color and freshness to my life. That is one of the reasons I write along the lines that I write. This I understand about people.

“One of the great cries of the human heart is this ...

People Seek Meaning 

People Seek Connection

People want to know that their lives matter, that they are making a difference, a contribution in this world.

I think often of Oprah’s comments on her last televised show. She said this.

"I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation.

"If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you? 

~Oprah Winfrey

People seek meaning in their lives. They want to know if they mean anything special to someone else, and they want their lives to have some kind of impactful meaning.

In a quiet house, on a quiet street, the mailman was working his way to every home, delivering whatever was in his bag for each residence.

Later that same day a phone call was placed. I answered.

“Hi, Michael. I got your note today.” And then she broke down and sobbed.

After later reflection, this is what I know. Though she could not put into words at that moment what she was feeling, she communicated, nevertheless. And what she said was this:

“I felt cherished today.”
“I felt loved and appreciated.” 

“You thought of me.”
“You recognized me.”

For me, it was a simple note of thanks for some act of kindness my friend had performed at our church.

For her, it was recognition, validation. Someone (me) stopped and said, “Hey, I see you. I know you and I thank you.”

Oprah said it well: “One of mankind’s greatest needs is the need to feel validated.”

When I was ten, my brother and I were mowing the yard one hot August afternoon in Tennessee. Our Dad pulled into the driveway, tossed out a brand-new baseball and glove, and then drove away.

He didn’t say anything -- he simply waved and drove away. We felt significant, cherished.

Everyone needs to feel esteemed, loved, acknowledged and that they are significant. Everyone, at some time in life, needs to be cherished.

How can we do this for others in our lives?
-Place an assuring hand on one’s shoulder and offer affirming words.

-Place a well-timed phone call and say esteeming words. 

-Send a handwritten note in the mail.

-Write a significant email of appreciation and thankfulness. 

-Send or hand-deliver a bunch of flowers unexpectedly.

-Buy a small gift, simply because it fits someone you cherish, and you want to acknowledge their significance in your life.

Back in 2012 I wrote a blog that got more clicks than any other to date at that time. It was called “Carolyn Left Me Today.” She had to fly to Phoenix to see her parents.

As we were nearing the airport we were having light conversation and she turned to me and said. “One thing I know as I go on this trip is that my cup is very full because of your love and esteeming ways and for the way you care for me.”

What an incredible thing to hear.

We look for ways to fill each other’s buckets. We esteem each other.
We talk.
We listen.

We take time for each other.
We love to take our 2-night 3-day getaways just to be together.

Just this past Friday I received a text from her. She is out of town with her daughter and granddaughter. She texted – “Just thinking of you in the in- between moments. I love you.”

I’m not a trained therapist, nor a marriage counselor, not even a relationship expert, but as I think about this blog today, some things come to my mind that I think make a huge difference in our relationship. May I share them with you?

1. We love. We find ways of loving each other. Sometimes it is a phone call. Sometimes it a $5 bunch of flowers from Pike Place Market. Every morning it is my responsibility to make her breakfast. She loves my scrambled eggs. Found out recently so do some of our grands. She will occasionally surprise me with an amazingly special dinner. Recently it was pot roast. Oh my. All these tiny actions say, “I love you.” “I cherish you.” “I adore you.” And we use the words too, in our relationship, every day – several times each day.

2. We play. We both carry a heavy schedule every week, but we live for Saturday and Sunday. I’ll never schedule an Up-Words day on the weekend without first talking with CB and finding out what she is interested in doing or where she wants to go. I can write anywhere, and at any time. I don’t want my writing to interfere with our time together. We put a lot into our days together. We do some “on- purpose” living on those days. Sometimes it a trip to a museum, or to the beach. We’ve caught more sunsets during our years of marriage than I caught all the rest of my years of living put together.

3. We talk. No, seriously – we talk. At meals, in the morning while getting ready, and any other time we are together, there is conversation. And especially at night, when I come home, we make it a point of stopping what we are doing, we embrace, we kiss, and then begin dinner prep.  We focus on each other, we look at each other, and we are in the moment, together. This is huge!

4. We laugh. During our phone chats each day I always look for something to say to crack her up. We laugh together. We enjoy life together. And we love.

All these points simply add up to this: we fill each other’s buckets. We don’t dip into each other’s bucket with hurtful, sassy, demeaning comments. We esteem one another. We look for the good. We say words that heal, not words that hurt. What a way to relate.

Our buckets are very full.

We seek on purpose to live in relationship, to offer meaning to each other and to find ways to connect.

You know what? The people around you want the same connections and meaningfulness in their relationships.

Give the greatest of gifts – VALIDATION!

P Michael Biggs 

Hope~Encouragement~Inspiration

Where Does Your Worst Enemy Live

Where Does Your Worst Enemy Live? 

Our worst enemy is nearer than we might think, for it is closer than your breath.

Make Sure Your Worst

Enemy Doesn't Live

Between Your Two Ears.

Laird Hamilton

You know those negative thoughts, those imaginary battles we all face. You and I know all about those conversations that we have with ourselves about the never-gonna-happen events and circumstances in life, and yet, we persist in continuing these conversations.

We fight a constant battle in this arena, and we constantly have to be on our guard. Sometimes, these arguments and scenarios feel good, and we feel self-righteous and victorious with the arguments we create in our minds. And we probably win a lot of these made-up battles that no-one ever sees.

And the enemy still exists.

I’m reminded of a Bible verse I learned a long time ago. 

“Take Every Thought Captive.”

To me, it means:

~Stop the fight. Be aware of what is happening and bow out of that fight. 

~Redirect and place your thoughts onto truth, what is or what should be. 

~If the issue is real and needs addressing, take the appropriate measures and have the hard conversations.

These are such easy words to write, and yet I fight this same enemy from time to time.

I’m in this battle with you.

P Michael Biggs 

Hope~Encouragement~Inspiration

We Still Need Someone to Believe in Us

 We Still Need Someone to Believe in Us

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: On Oprah Winfrey’s last show of her popular daytime television series, she said this.

"I've talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, 

and all 30,000 had one thing in common -- 

they all wanted validation. ... They wanted to know; 

Do you hear me? Do you see me? 

Does what I say mean anything to you?"

In this world, it is an easy thing for some individuals to become lost in the crowd of the other voices. There are shy people and individuals with a low sense of self-worth, and some that just plain ‘ole feel they are ‘nobody’. 

Some people are just too tired to speak up for themselves, or perhaps, have had some awful life experiences, and they reconcile within themselves that they are just not worth the fight to be acknowledged. And perhaps, they have committed what they consider the unspeakable act, or sin, or transgression. They feel they just don’t matter anymore.

What a terrible conclusion to reach – that you just don’t matter anymore.

My passion, my mission in life is to be an encourager. I want to be one who validates people. I attempt this through writing and podcasting, and in one-on-one interpersonal interactions. Am I successful? In some small measure, perhaps. Occasionally I will get a note or a phone call that lets me know someone needed my word and heard it in an appropriate time.

I’m reminded of a sixth-grade teacher, Mary, who assigned her class a writing assignment. The assignment was to write a short, positive comment about each of his/her fellow classmates and turn them in to her.

After compiling each student’s list, the teacher passed them out in class. You could hear a pin drop as the students sat quietly, reading what their fellow classmates had written about them. It was a remarkable moment.

Years later, one of the boys, John D., was killed during a hard-fought battle in Viet Nam. His sixth-grade teacher attended the memorial service, along with many fellow students in John’s class.

After the service, John’s father approached Mary and thanked her for coming to the service. He paused and continued. “We found this in his wallet along with his other belongings.

He began unfolding a sheet of paper, yellowed, tattered, and torn. It was the paper containing the comments from his sixth-grade classmates written ten years before.

The father said, “He carried this with him everywhere. I’m told he would often pull it out and read it before almost every major conflict in which he was involved during his time in Viet Nam.”

By now, other students had gathered around and one by one they each began saying that they too had their copy of these comments and how meaningful they were to them. Some even had their copy neatly tucked inside their wallets or pocketbooks.

You see the power of an appropriately placed word?

Has someone seen something in you bigger and greater than you ever dreamed you could be? Those kinds of people become my heroes. What foresight! What insight!

This is a great story and is at the heart of my thoughts for today. Our words change people.

We have the power to change somebody's life. In most cases we will never know when we’ve connected the dots for someone by our words of hope and encouragement, and yet it happens. This power still rests in our hands, and voices, and attitudes.

In the past fourteen years, I’ve written more than 600 blogs, and four books, plus over 130 podcasts. All of them with the intent and purpose of offering hope, encouragement, and inspiration to my readers. 

I shall continue writing and speaking for as long as I am physically able, for this is a passion to which I am dedicated.

If you take away any significant thought from this blog, I hope it is this.

You have the power 

to change somebody’s life.

Morning Notes Blog Site

P Michael Biggs 

Hope~Encouragement~Inspiration

Words Still Matter

 Words Still Matter

I was in a Walgreen’s Drug Store recently to pick up a prescription and as I turned to leave, I saw a man of 73 years. He was looking at birthday cards for his wife”. I thought to myself, “How sweet is this”, and decided to stay close by and just observe as he made his selection.

He reached up, picked a card, read it, and put it back. He picked another and put it back. He did these three more times, and finally read one card and then headed for the checkout with the card in hand.

I can imagine what happened over the next thirty minutes. He got home, scribbled something of sentiment on the card, or perhaps simply said “Love you” and then gave the card to his wife.

“Love you.” It can be expressed in so many ways. For some, it is a bump on the shoulder. Others place a hand on another’s hand, or shoulder, or cheek and look into their eyes. No words, just this simple touch.

Some are free to express the words, “I Love You,” and they stop at that, but there is so much more to be said.

“Thanks for the biscuits for breakfast this morning. They hit the spot.”

“I appreciate you always having my clothes clean and folded just like I like them.”

“Do you know I stopped a dozen times today and my heart swelled with love as I thought of you.”

“Oh, how you make my life beautiful.”

To a sibling we might say:
“Remember when we were kids, and you always looked out for me? Thank you for that.”

And to best friends:
“We’ve lived a good and long life. You are my best of friends. I am so thankful for how you add to my life.”

Or to a child:
“I’m really proud of you and the man/woman you are becoming.”
“I love my front row seat in watching you. You make me happy.”

Nice sentiment – “Love you”. I said it a thousand times in words and written it on a few cards for various occasions and then given them to Carolyn.

Words come hard for most of us when we think of those close to us. We want to say so much, but often soften the moment by a simple “Love you”.

Those sentiments are good, even great, but a well-placed, well-thought-out word is food for the soul that can be feasted on for days and weeks to come.

I never get far from Maya Angelou’s words when she once said:

I’ve learned that people will forget

what you said, people will forget what you did, 

but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Words live long after they are spoken. Their effect on an individual take on a life of its own, and are played time and again, in secret, just before falling asleep, upon awakening, when things are going right and in times of sadness and hardship.

Words matter!
Let me relate a very personal story.

~~~

During my growing up years, I thought I was loved, but I was never told those magic three words “I Love You”. Dad showed us on occasion that we were loved, yet the words were never spoken. One day, when I was seven, Donny and I were out mowing the front lawn. We were just about finished when Dad pulled into the driveway, rolled down his window and tossed out a brand-new baseball and glove.

Donny and I thought we had won the lottery. Dad didn’t say anything. He simply smiled, backed out of the drive, and went back to work.

I remember another time when I hit two home runs in one game in little league baseball. Dad and Mom treated me to my favorite chocolate shake and a hamburger at The Gizmo. He was so proud of me; he went from table to table bragging on me and my home runs. But no “I Love You.”

When I went to college, I made friends. I began noticing that some of my friends and their families would express the “I Love You” words when together. I began thinking about my own family and how I had never heard them express these words to me and my siblings. Of course, I had never expressed them to my parents either.

During these days I was still directing music for a church that my dad pastored. On an October Sunday, I felt it was time to begin expressing “I Love You” to Mom and Dad.

All afternoon I kept looking for the perfect opportunity to say, “I love you.” Finally, after the PM service, we went

to my parent’s home for a bite to eat. As we were getting ready to leave, as usual, we would gather in a circle, join hands and Dad would pray for us.

I knew after he said “Amen” that it was now or never if I was going to say “I love you” on this night.

As I hugged Dad I simply whispered, in a broken voice “I love you.”

He paused a moment, hugged me a little tighter, then tried to croak out “I lo lo lov cough cough cough.” He just couldn’t say the words, but he tried.

When I hugged Mom, I expressed those same words to her. She simply pulled me even closer. Mom had this funny way of hugging where she would bury my head between her neck and the top of her shoulder. When I said “Mom, I love you,” she just squeezed me tighter and cried. To this day I can still remember the smell of Mom’s perfume mixed with the bath powder that she wore.

We broke the ice that day. We got good at saying “I love you”.

~~~

If you ask me on any given day, “do words matter” I would respond with a resounding YES! They do. I have built my writing career on the power of words, so much so that my company is called Up-Words.

I encourage you to find the words, the phrases, the ideas that need to be expressed in your family and with your close friends. Say the words. Express the sentiments.

Words still matter!

This is my morning reflection.

Morning Notes Blog Site

P Michael Biggs Hope~Encouragement~Inspiration

A Few Reminders About God

A Few Reminders about God 

~If I forget to say my prayers before I go to sleep, God still watches over me. 

~If I forget to call on Him in time of trouble, He still is near.

~If I stray from the path on which I know to go, He still goes with me and He is near.

~If I make a wrong decision or two, God stays nearby. I sense His guiding hand even in the middle of my bad moves.

~If I forget to say “Thank You,” God still moves on my behalf and protects me.

For my God is grace, and His grace is greater than any sin I commit.

P Michael Biggs

Internet Church Blogsite

Hope~Encouragement~Inspiration

Opinions and Love

Opinions and Love

I suppose I read something like this a hundred times or more on social media sites: “Don’t have an opinion?  Let me give you mine.”

Opinions abound.  Just ask the next person you meet on any street corner in America, or the world, for that matter.  And in most cases, that stranger will, perhaps, attempt to convert you to his or her ideology, thoughts, political persuasions and foods to eat or avoid.

A writer that I find refreshing, Bob Goff, wrote this recently.

“It will be our love, 

not our opinions, 

which will be our 

greatest contribution 

to the world.”

I think he is onto something.  LOVE!

You do know, don’t you, that people can tell whether you care or not?  And they can sense love, and all other expressions. 

I never get far from a bit of advice that my college music profession gave me once. 

Jim said, “Love the people.”

That’s it.  Love the people.

And it has stood me in good stead for all these years of my life.

A personal story:  I reconnected with a customer of mine who has become a friend.  We had not communicated for seven months or so, since my surgery and recovery.  He said to me … “You are one of the friendliest guys I know.” 

He paid me a high compliment.  Though we have different ideologies, different interest and have taken different career paths, we find friendship outside of the business dealings we do. 

He didn’t use the “love” word, yet for me, there is a brotherly love that he and I share.  He’s a nice guy, the kind I would love to do occasional things with. 

Bottom line … opinions drive me away.  Love draws me in.

This is my

morning reflection.

Morning Notes Blog Site

P Michael Biggs

Words of Hope

Encouragement

Inspiration

New Shoes and New Friends

New Shoes and New Friends

I have a pair of very nice brown dress shoes in my closet.  I’ve worn them a few times, and they still don’t fit well.  I’ve about given up on them, and did I mention they are new? 

I’ve had friends like that.  We didn’t fit well at first.  Perhaps I judged, perhaps I offended, perhaps I just didn’t give the friendship enough time and nurturing. 

Perhaps.

Sunday night, we had a story-time.  Our youngest grand (age 8), told a story about this very subject.  And today, he and his best bud are inseparable, yet nine months ago, at the beginning of school, they felt they were worlds apart and could and would never be friends.  They weren’t willing to try, in the beginning.

Meet my friend, Sam.  Forty-seven years ago, this month was the first time I ever saw him.  I remember distinctly thinking we probably would/could never be friends.  He just didn’t fit some stupid guideline that I was forming as to the kind of friend I wanted. 

He turned out to be a life-long friend.  Even today, when we talk occasionally, we invariably go back to some joke from our past and laugh like two third graders. 

I’m learning to give new shoes and friendships a good and long break-in time. 

This is my morning reflection.

Morning Notes Blog Site

Words of Hope

Encouragement

Inspiration