What People Seek
I am a people person. For me, it has always been about building relationships. The many people I’ve met over the years of my living have added such color and freshness to my life. That is one of the reasons I write along the lines that I write. This I understand about people.
“One of the great cries of the human heart is this ...
People Seek Meaning
People Seek Connection
People want to know that their lives matter, that they are making a difference, a contribution in this world.
I think often of Oprah’s comments on her last televised show. She said this.
"I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation.
"If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?
~Oprah Winfrey
People seek meaning in their lives. They want to know if they mean anything special to someone else, and they want their lives to have some kind of impactful meaning.
In a quiet house, on a quiet street, the mailman was working his way to every home, delivering whatever was in his bag for each residence.
Later that same day a phone call was placed. I answered.
“Hi, Michael. I got your note today.” And then she broke down and sobbed.
After later reflection, this is what I know. Though she could not put into words at that moment what she was feeling, she communicated, nevertheless. And what she said was this:
“I felt cherished today.”
“I felt loved and appreciated.”
“You thought of me.”
“You recognized me.”
For me, it was a simple note of thanks for some act of kindness my friend had performed at our church.
For her, it was recognition, validation. Someone (me) stopped and said, “Hey, I see you. I know you and I thank you.”
Oprah said it well: “One of mankind’s greatest needs is the need to feel validated.”
When I was ten, my brother and I were mowing the yard one hot August afternoon in Tennessee. Our Dad pulled into the driveway, tossed out a brand-new baseball and glove, and then drove away.
He didn’t say anything -- he simply waved and drove away. We felt significant, cherished.
Everyone needs to feel esteemed, loved, acknowledged and that they are significant. Everyone, at some time in life, needs to be cherished.
How can we do this for others in our lives?
-Place an assuring hand on one’s shoulder and offer affirming words.
-Place a well-timed phone call and say esteeming words.
-Send a handwritten note in the mail.
-Write a significant email of appreciation and thankfulness.
-Send or hand-deliver a bunch of flowers unexpectedly.
-Buy a small gift, simply because it fits someone you cherish, and you want to acknowledge their significance in your life.
Back in 2012 I wrote a blog that got more clicks than any other to date at that time. It was called “Carolyn Left Me Today.” She had to fly to Phoenix to see her parents.
As we were nearing the airport we were having light conversation and she turned to me and said. “One thing I know as I go on this trip is that my cup is very full because of your love and esteeming ways and for the way you care for me.”
What an incredible thing to hear.
We look for ways to fill each other’s buckets.
We esteem each other.
We talk.
We listen.
We take time for each other.
We love to take our 2-night 3-day getaways just to be together.
Just this past Friday I received a text from her. She is out of town with her daughter and granddaughter. She texted – “Just thinking of you in the in- between moments. I love you.”
I’m not a trained therapist, nor a marriage counselor, not even a relationship expert, but as I think about this blog today, some things come to my mind that I think make a huge difference in our relationship. May I share them with you?
1. We love. We find ways of loving each other. Sometimes it is a phone call. Sometimes it a $5 bunch of flowers from Pike Place Market. Every morning it is my responsibility to make her breakfast. She loves my scrambled eggs. Found out recently so do some of our grands. She will occasionally surprise me with an amazingly special dinner. Recently it was pot roast. Oh my. All these tiny actions say, “I love you.” “I cherish you.” “I adore you.” And we use the words too, in our relationship, every day – several times each day.
2. We play. We both carry a heavy schedule every week, but we live for Saturday and Sunday. I’ll never schedule an Up-Words day on the weekend without first talking with CB and finding out what she is interested in doing or where she wants to go. I can write anywhere, and at any time. I don’t want my writing to interfere with our time together. We put a lot into our days together. We do some “on- purpose” living on those days. Sometimes it a trip to a museum, or to the beach. We’ve caught more sunsets during our years of marriage than I caught all the rest of my years of living put together.
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We talk. No, seriously – we talk. At meals, in the morning while getting ready, and any other time we are together, there is conversation. And especially at night, when I come home, we make it a point of stopping what we are doing, we embrace, we kiss, and then begin dinner prep. We focus on each other, we look at each other, and we are in the moment, together. This is huge!
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We laugh. During our phone chats each day I always look for something to say to crack her up. We laugh together. We enjoy life together. And we love.
All these points simply add up to this: we fill each other’s buckets. We don’t dip into each other’s bucket with hurtful, sassy, demeaning comments. We esteem one another. We look for the good. We say words that heal, not words that hurt. What a way to relate.
Our buckets are very full.
We seek on purpose to live in relationship, to offer meaning to each other and to find ways to connect.
You know what? The people around you want the same connections and meaningfulness in their relationships.
Give the greatest of gifts – VALIDATION!
Hope~Encouragement~Inspiration
