Perfectly Imperfect

The quest for perfection – what a race!  It’s like a cat chasing its tail.  And the cat never quite catches its tail. 

I would love to be perfect.  Carolyn would love for me to be perfect.  My step-children and grandchildren want me to be perfect. 

Wait a minute.  Wait just a minute.

That ain’t gonna happen – for me or for you.

I've been soaking in Brene Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection lately. 

Brene says this:  “Deep down we want to take off our game face and be real and imperfect.”

Wouldn’t that be a luxury - to really become real? 

But wait … Brene says more:

“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: ‘If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment and blame.’”

~Brene Brown

The Gifts of Imperfection

I've had this quote in my ‘Idea' files for some time now and it fits perfectly with what we are saying.

There is a crack in everything.

That’s how the light gets in.

~Leonard Cohen (Song)

Anthem

We sometimes get cracks.  We think we’re perfect so we cover over the cracks.  We spackle, we paint, we lose weight, we buy new clothes or a new house, we drive fancier cars, we get a new hair-do, we buy a new watch, yada – yada – yada.

We go into control mode and fix our imperfections to perfection – or so we think.

We spin a tale, we paint a picture, we hide the truth, we hide our faults, when often the real us needs to come through and be loved exactly as we are.

Believe it or not, there is beauty in the cracks.

  The un-shined shoes

    The slightly askew necktie

      The burnt toast

        The messy house

          The unwashed car

Brene makes an incredible comment that I would like to broadcast to the world:

“Our imperfections are not our inadequacies.”

We are all imperfect on some level, or many levels, yet we keep going.  We keep marching ahead, we keep learning and growing and relating, because we are all in this together.

Anne Lamott is another favorite of mine.  In a Facebook post recently she told this story.  Allow me to paraphrase.

Anne told the story of visiting a friend whose husband had passed away recently.  In a gesture of offering solace, Anne leaned down to give her friend a hug and accidentally bumped  another guest’s elbow nearby and caused her to spill coffee on her friend’s bed covers.

Of course Anne felt horrible, however, her friend cried out, “I hope it stains, so I can remember the beauty of this morning forever.”

That is the gist of having perfect imperfections.  We see beauty in the scars and mars and mistakes and blunders. 

Have you been feeling a bit un-perfect lately?  Me too. 

And we are still worthy.

Worthy of love and being loved and of being recognized as a human being with wants, dreams, wishes and desires of being validated.

You can order a copy of Brene's book. 

Click here to order The Gifts of Imperfection 

P Michael Biggs

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