I want to write a bit about feelings –
Feelings about ourselves and self image and self-concepts.
These are important thoughts that we hold
toward self, and we need to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt more often
than not.
The opening quote sums up the whole idea
of self-talk and self-thoughts.
Self image and self confidence are twins
inside our minds. They feed off each
other in strong and profound ways. We
all carry inside of our minds a self image that we have created along the way. We form these opinions mostly from how we
interpret what others feel about us.
If we were laughed at as children for some
clumsiness or some inability, then most children have a tendency to internalize
this response and interpret it as if something is dreadfully wrong with
us. Once we do that, we doom our self
image and lock it with a vise grip lock that seemingly never lets go and thus
we are attached to that lousy self-image for the rest of our lives.
What a tragedy. We are saddled with thoughts and feelings
about ourselves simply because we accepted other’s responses, rightly or
wrongly, as a negative response at a moment in time in our lives. We have played those tapes over in our minds
until they became ingrained doctrine and we gave them worth about our own
self-worth.
Many of these feelings have to do with
body image. Ever since my junior year in
college I have struggled with a weight issue.
I began putting on the pounds, my activity level slowed down, my
appetite skyrocketed, and I gained weight.
I felt horrible about myself. I felt insecure, isolated, and felt I somehow
did not fully measure up to my skinny friends.
I was what we call ‘not comfortable in my
own skin.’
I had plenty of friends, don’t get me
wrong. I was well-liked as it turned
out, yet the inner feelings of inadequacy never fully left me.
I constantly compared myself to my skinny
and popular friends and tried every way I could to be them. Somehow I was never enough.
And it all had to do with this image
thing.
Thankfully some great books came my way
and some wise counsel that helped me begin the journey toward a more balanced
and healthier mental attitude about self.
I began reading a lot of self-development books – books that planted the
seeds for a better vision of self. And
coupled with those thoughts were some biblical verses that gave me a good dose
of self confidence.
I first had to understand that I was
loved as I was, not as I should be.
Did you catch that? I was
loved as I was, not as I should be. That was a hard one to get my mind around.
My peak weight reached 273 pounds in 1973
when I moved from Orlando to Albuquerque.
I remember stopping to see a friend in Oklahoma City on the drive to
Albuquerque and while sitting around their dinner table I was so self-conscious
of how my shirt pulled tightly across my stomach. I was a large man and my clothes didn’t fit
properly. What a lousy feeling.
When I looked in the mirror and was
honest with myself, I saw a large, fat and overweight jolly man. I laughed easily. I made friends easily. People liked me and accepted me, yet I was
not accepting of myself. I felt
inadequate, un-loveable, tolerated and afraid
At some point in my life, and I can’t
remember the details as to when, where or how, I began to accept the whole
premise of this post.
I reconciled with myself that I was a
large framed man. I would probably
struggle with my weight for the rest of my life. I started working out on a fairly regular
basis at some point and I did lose weight.
That has helped my psyche in large ways, but I was still a large man
with more than a few extra pounds that I wanted to shed.
The transformation has been slow to come,
and I think I am on good footing now – perhaps better than I’ve ever been. I now know that my feelings about myself - my
self-love and self-care - far outweigh how I may look on the outside.
Tomorrow morning our alarm will ring at
6:15. My feet will hit the floor shortly
thereafter and I’ll put on my gym uniform, lace up my tennis shoes and go
exercise for my allotted twenty minutes.
I’m doing this for me. FOR
ME. Not for you, not for my kids, or
siblings – for ME!
You probably will not notice any changes
in my body since I started this new and steady routine, but I know the
differences. I know inside the
difference this is making for me.
I’m still more round in the mid section,
and I now have a right knee that gives me a small amount of pain when climbing
steps, and I huff and puff some when walking, and that is okay. I’m an older version of myself and I accept
the age thing that has been creeping up on me, but it hasn’t overtaken me. I still have choices to make. I still decide the attitude with which I will
greet each day.
I like myself. I like my attitude. I like my choices and I like my determination.
I even like the speed at which I spin the
treadmill. It is my speed and it works
for me.
I feel terrific about this stage in my
life. I don’t look like I did at 16, or
36 or 56, but I surely like where my mind is headed.
This is a long post. If you have hung in there with me, bless
you. My prayer is that you might find
your own way in whatever pursuits you chase also.
Above all, hold forth good and wholesome
P Michael
Biggs
Offering
Hope
Encouragement
Inspiration
One Word
at a Time
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