Have you ever given what was never
yours?
Let me explain. I am friends with two brothers. I knew these boys when they were small – 6 months
old and 3 years old. Their father
abandoned them and their mother right after the youngest was born, so for
thirty-plus years their father-figure influences have come in spurts and bursts
from uncles, grandfathers, a strong loving mother and perhaps books read and
life experiences. There has never been a
steady full-time father figure in either boy’s life to guide him, nurture him.
Today, both brothers have children of
their own. One might surmise that their
child rearing skills would be lacking.
Not so. As I watch these men from a distance, I see stellar
qualities. I see love, delight and joy
over their own flesh-and-blood child. Somewhere
along the line both boys realized the beginnings of their own lives did not
have to be passed forward and made great decisions along the way to change the
outcome for their own kids.
Instead of abandonment, I see cherished
times.
Instead of rejection, I see love and
delight over their kids.
They have found a way to give great love,
great nurturing, and great acceptance out of an empty well in their own
story. They are giving from a place that
never existed.
How can one do that?
To answer that, I need to relate another
short story.
There once was a father who had twin sons. The father was an alcoholic and showed no
responsibility for his family duties and ended up abandoning his sons and
family. His life ended in death from a
drunken stupor.
As the sons grew, their lives took
divergent paths. One son followed in his
father’s footsteps and he too became addicted to alcohol and a life of
irresponsibility.
The other son became an upstanding man of
his community and an abstainer of alcohol in all forms.
When in their sixties, both boys, now
men, were interviewed and they were asked why they turned out the way they
have, given the kind of role model they had in their birth father.
Both men gave the exact same answer.
“With a father like mine, what did you
expect?”
One saw his derelict father and felt the
only course open to him was to follow in those footsteps.
The other son saw his derelict father and
said, “There has to be a better way.” He
sought and found that better way.
What are we talking about here? We’re talking about the power of CHOICE!”
We each control the button of choice. My two friends in the earlier story chose to
respond in love, integrity, responsibility and nurture. Their bold actions stopped the cycle of
abandonment. They are giving two small
children a life full of hope and love.
What choices can you and I make that have
good and lasting effect for now and for generations to come?
That is my constant question, and I’ll
never stop asking, seeking and answering that one.
Have a marvelous New Year!
P Michael
Biggs
Offering
Hope
Encouragement
Inspiration
One Word
at a Time
